So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Two words: blizzard sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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