Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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