we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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