Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
