My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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