I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
