so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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