i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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