So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
