apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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