Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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