Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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