i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
