Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
