The maid of honor just puked.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
