is your mom at the bar?
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
