Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
