I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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