I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
