Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
