what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
