I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
