You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
