I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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