dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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