..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
