he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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