There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
