he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
