you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
