There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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