Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
