and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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