New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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