You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
