hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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