I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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