Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
