he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
