It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
