do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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