I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
