I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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