Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
