By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
