okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
