i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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