I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
