I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
