I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
