I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
