I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
