Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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