I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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