sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
