when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
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I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
His hands were made for my vagina.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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