We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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