Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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