Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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