dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
