In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
