i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
