once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I could fuck to npr.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
