Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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