david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I will be naked everywhere
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
