so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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