...so i touched it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
