Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Let's paint friendship bongs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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