great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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