id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
