Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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