i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
