its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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