would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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