one two three fourrrrnication!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
