u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
