All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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