Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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