i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
