Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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