Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
